everything.

i’m not in the mood for chocking on seatbelts, i don’t want to be careful nor thoughtful.
i need this risk without it i’m lost. i find no need in waiting rooms, what is there to wait for?
embrace it with eyes open, all the pain, joy and suspense.

would you rather have your hand cupped to the door driving yourself mad? 

i have a dependency
a horrible craving for the perfect remedy
confident safe secure
these things i could stand to endure

save me. i love this. stay away. i hate this.
i can’t decide which i’d rather miss.

i wake and need this i sleep and need this i dream and need this killing me, killing me
my blood is depleted
to the center of my body it’s already retreated

fill me with poison fill til the spilling edge
my concious between your brick wall i’ll wedge

killing me softly
brain cells are dying
your accusations i’m no longer denying

what a pretty face
hardly meant to showcase

wondering what runs through his head
as he lays on his bedspread

staring through the ceiling
noticing his body doesn’t have any feeling

contemplating life in a casket
more like an empty waste basket

the bones will turn to ash
before he can even brush away the tear balancing on his eyelash… 

i need the smell of long overgrown grass
i miss pressing my forehead onto the windows glass
to peer out and see myself out there somewhere else, someone else, anything

now i can peer numbly through a computer screen
staring at pictures of me and my friends when we were fourteen
when i wasn’t living off borrowed time.

now even your watch is flying at me screaming 
destroy it, finish it, i’m no longer dreaming
that would be far too easy.