everything.

I am fear
I dress in long skinny arms to shield my face
I need your uncomfortable stare
I am related to insecurity
I vacation near your highest doubts
My job is to make you run from your dreams
 I desire to break you down.

If sadness was a color,
It would be baby blue
As deep blue as a clear day sky.
If sadness was a taste
It would be just like over salted popcorn.
If sadness was a feeling
It would be as empty as a dried up well.
If sadness was a smell
It would be as soft as a new bloomed flower.
If sadness was a sound,
It would be quiet as a broken guitar string.

I wish I write
Like edgar allen poe
And I dream of a new life
I am trying my hardest
I used to go with the flow
But now I hardly know
I seem to just be floating out there
But I’m really attempting to fly

I used to dream as tall as the dallas skyline
But now I sit in my room and wish my life was mine
I always will remember last weekend
But I never will want to relive it
I once followed the guidelines set in place
But now I can see that’s not the case
If I could take back the last two years i would
I would have made sure you understood
I never intended for things to turn out this way
But I might never go back, to my dismay
I can’t focus on the failure
But I can look forward to a better day
I won’t exist inside my regrets
But I might just try to forget
I used to dream as tall as the dallas skyline
But now I sit in my room and wish my life was mine

I asked the fan why it was blue
And it talked and said to appreciate the breeze
I asked the blanket why it was so warm
And it said don’t look a gift horse in the mouth
I asked the lamp why it hurt my eyes
And it answered, “because i enjoy it”
I asked the journal to stop stealing my words
And it politely refused
I asked the storm to calm my mind
And it did and the noises slowly died
I asked the choir why they sang
And they gave me no clue
I asked myself what am i doing with my life?
And the sky told me to repent
The  sky laughed
The  light hurt
And I kept quiet
And everything was perfect.

I wish I write
Like edgar allen poe
And I dream of a new life
I am trying my hardest
I used to go with the flow
But now I hardly know
I seem to just be floating out there
But I’m really attempting to fly

caden never liked to stay indoors
his mother could always find him, 
two year old chicken legs wobbling over to the sliding glass door
in order to clink his toy car against the glass over and over until she quickly stopped him always warning of the thin glass, and of the unattractive fingerprints but being so young he could only fall back onto his diaper in defeat and wail until his mother would scrape him off the carpet and put him down to sleep. but today was different he was learning how to be faster and more effecient, tucking his car under his arm, hastily tottering over to the door he banged over and over.

when his mom finally entered the room she gasped at the picture of her little boy sitting outside the door covered in shards of shiny glass, giggling.
but all he had to say was “look mommy, i made diamonds”

in examining me,
you won’t need a map to track down my values,
but you will need a mop to clean up my disguist and earplugs to prevent the mess,
owing me this much.

in examining you,
comparable to examining my dog
running around the neighborhood sniffing all the mailboxes
but somehow…you can’t ever decide which one to pee on.

Sometimes i feel like a robot
at the gym occassionally
face to face with a punching bag
but most of the time it’s when i’m with you…
but now i hold the gray remote in my small hands,
the one that i dug out of the crevace in your brown musty couch, last tuesday
the one we used to play tv games with,
the one that always got lost beneath the couch
the one that controls the tv with 52 channels mirroring my personalities.
well, now i’m in control.
goodbye.

I’ve only seen her twice in my life.
therefore upon recieving that phone call,
i was left quite perplexed.
This is about my Aunt Terry of course.
she decided to invite me to stay in her castle, so i called it, for a week and observe the Kentucky Derby itself from box seats.
My dream come true correct?
Not exactly, you see, i barely know Terry.
but what i do know is that her son, my cousin, David,
was convicted for 3 DUI’s and one charge of comandeering a golf cart and purposely crashing it into one of kentucky’s finest country clubs.
so in any light, having my wallflower status, this would be awkward.
regardless my mother pressed me forward into the jetway insisting it could be a life changing trip, and oh, it was.